Domestic Rock Star

By Fringe Staff

By Charlie Hanks

wo years ago, I practiced with my band three nights a week, booked the band to play shows almost every weekend, and went out to clubs and parties at least once a week.

After 5 years in a band, 6 years with my drummer husband, we made a decision to not put our “family life” on hold any longer for the sake of the band and try to have a child. It was an easy and difficult decision for both of us.

We knew our lives would completely change. We knew our lives would revolve around our child. We knew our band wouldn’t be able to play shows EVERY weekend. And, we knew our child would bring more meaning to our lives.

As a woman, I knew my role as mother would outweigh my role as a singer. However, I am determined to prove that I can do anything I set my mind to. I can be both Mama and front-woman. I thought to myself, “If mothers can go to college, work full time, and still survive, then I can sing, manage a band, work full time and still be a good mom!”

Now that my son is six months old, I still stick to the original manifesto set when my husband and I were still trying to conceive. The change I didn’t expect, but surely should have, was that so many other parts of our “social” life would be altered.

Sometimes I feel since we have had a child, we’ve caught the plague. Our friends that don’t have children don’t invite us out anymore, they don’t call or come by as often as before.

Our social calendar has changed from being filled with parties, band practice three times a week, shows, movies and checking out a new bar or club, to catching up on our TIVO’d television shows, dinner, tummy time, bath time and band practice once a week. My priorities have changed but my social appetite remains unvaried.

Sure, staying home all weekend with my son and husband is far more fulfilling and meaningful than partying or going to a show. After six months, however, I’ve developed cabin fever and need to just “get out.”

Then there’s the difficulty of finding a baby-sitter. We have a friend who, along with her 16-year-old daughter, will watch our son when we practice or have a show. For the nights we just need to “get out,” however, it’s always really hard.

As a mom, I feel guilty leaving him with someone else while we go to a movie or a show. But as a 27-year-old, I need some fun away from tummy time.

My husband is awesome with wanting to watch our son while I go out and have some fun. However, all of our friends’ schedules seem to be conflicting. My single friends have plans booked weeks ahead of time. My mom friends can’t find baby-sitters. My guy friends don’t want to go out without my husband coming along.

I really don’t want to be the lone, pathetic, starved-for-adultinteraction chick hanging out at a bar or coffee shop. That outfit doesn’t suit me.

Juggling the band, work, social life, and being a mom is hard and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve been told that I’ll cherish these times with my son a lot more in the future. I’m sure I’ll look back and miss them.

I just hope the little guy appreciates good music. As soon as he’s old enough, Mom’s taking him to some shows to catch up on lost time.