The Breakup

By Charlie Hanks

Being in a band with three men is similar to dating three men all at once.

They, the guys, can be as vague and elusive in their band relationship as they are in their dating relationships.

Two nights a week we get together in our practice studio and practice our songs. We work on new song ideas and all throw in our input. On occasion opinions clash, but overall we work it out so everyone is happy with the songs we’ve written.

Getting guys to talk about their feelings, even their feelings about their own music is as arduous as learning Latin.

I’ve become a little bitter, like any scorned woman would after some bad breakups.

My band has had some bad luck with guitar players. They keep quitting.

Every time I feel like they’re saying "It’s not you. It’s me!"

But half the time THEY DON’T SAY ANYTHING, AT ALL!

The first time a guitar player quit on my drummer and I, I was devastated. Much like the first time I was dumped.

We were doing so well. We had just released a CD and were getting interest from a record label in Los Angeles. We had big plans, and then POW! Like a punch to the gut we got a phone call from the management at the rehearsal studios saying we had to come get our gear, because our guitar player was quitting the band and needed us to leave. (We’ll call him Gut Puncher.)

Much like getting a call from a boyfriend’s best friend saying "He’s breaking up with you."

A year later we had formed a new band and were doing well again. We had been nominated for a Sammie and we were getting radio play like crazy. Then POW! Another punch in the gut. Our guitar player left us a breakup note in the practice studio, with no real prior evidence to him being unhappy. (We’ll call him note leaver #1)

We found another guitar player within a few days, and he stuck around for two years.

Then, in the midst of fearing for my return after pregnancy, he too, wrote a breakup note and left it in the studio. (We’ll call him note leaver #2)

Now, note leaver #1 returned, but then had an expansion in the family a year later and actually left amicably, with fair warning. Which was a good breakup.

Then note leaver #2 returned for a few months, then left again, amicably as well.

See, like a girl bent on reconciling with every boyfriend, or seeking closure, we allowed everyone who ever quit to come back.

Then Gut Puncher from the first band returned about six months ago. We wrote some songs, played some shows, and then POW! Again, with no inclination of unhappiness in the relationship, our guitar player quits. But, this time, with nothing in the form of communication other than vacating the practice studio when no one was around.

Really. NO note, no phone call, no voicemail, no text message or e-mail. Nothing.

Imagine how bitter this breakup could make. However now, I’ve gotten numb to the whole thing. I look at it like an insecure, jilted lover, it’s just a matter of time before they leave me!

We found a new guitar player already. This one looks promising. Unfortunately he’s got a lot of my jilted lover baggage to deal with, but he’s pretty amazing so far. And seems to actually appreciates the band.

Wish us luck.