The Girlfriend Factor

By Fringe Staff

Girlfriends and bands mix like oil and water. Depending on the type of girlfriend, they tend to not be soluble.

I am at a disadvantage with being romantically involved with my drummer. Because my significant other is IN THE BAND, our interests are the same, and I’m not very understanding when someone else’s significant other gets in the way of the bands’ progression.

I’ve heard horror stories of one band member’s girlfriend sleeping with another band member, or one guitar player’s wife having an affair with another band’s bass player. I’ve also heard of girlfriends giving ultimatums to their guys of “It’s the band or me!” None of these situations end well.

I’ve been lucky enough to not have these types of girlfriend situations occur during the life of my band, but I have silently watched as some pretty lame situations have occurred, which affected my band.

There was once a couple of members whose girlfriends were former best friends, and would do everything to avoid each other at shows, while still supporting their respective guys. Like Sweden, I tried to stay neutral, but soon became a spy sending each messages from the other. I’m not one that usually likes petty nonsense, so as soon as I realized that it was none of my business I stopped, and let them ignore each other from across the clubs we played.

Some girlfriends are completely soluble and totally understand how the band/girlfriend mixture work. We had one band girlfriend who came to our shows and worked the merch booth for us, completely professional, and we didn’t have to pay her. We had another band girlfriend who takes amazing photos take over as our band photographer and neither situation affected the band negatively.

At the beginning of a relationship the girlfriends want to be at the band’s practices, at the shows, and all the band business so they can see their guy at work (or to make sure the hordes of groupies don’t steal their man away). There’s nothing wrong with silently watching or silently admiring, but the minute a girlfriend’s opinion or presence starts to hinder the work of the entire band, that girlfriend becomes a thorn in the side. And, eventually, the band member will either realize the effect she’s having, or the band will have to speak up and that never ends well. Most girls who date band members like the guys BECAUSE they’re in bands, but then something clicks later on down the road and they can’t handle the dedication or the amount of time they spend with the band and they get jealous and want to be the center of their guy’s world.

So I guess the point I’m trying to make is this: if you’re a non-soluble oil type of girlfriend who can’t handle silently admiring your boyfriend’s band or being away from him a couple hours a week so he can practice, or if you can’t handle not being the center of his attention, then don’t date a guy in a band. You should read the disclaimer before you buy the product.